Until We Have Voices: The Realization
by RedgeandLilly
Summary: What if you spent your entire life thinking you're something you're not? If you lived your entire life only to find that you were something you were trained to hate? Enter the life of Tajron-Yaremka-Irjithmil... Rated T to be safe.


_**What if you spent your entire life thinking you're something you're not? If you lived your entire life only to find that you were something you were trained to hate? Enter the life of Tajron-Yaremka-Irjithmil. ..**_

Prologue-The Plan

_Somewhere out in space, many years ago…_

/Captain! Three incoming Yeerk Ships!\\

Captain Valdar-Ilec-Eadeaion's calm stance did not change. His gaze did not flicker.

/Well then what are you waiting for? Fire!\\

Twin beams of green light lanced into space, colliding with two of the three Bug fighters. The Bug fighters spun off their intended course and imploded. Cheers erupted from the bridge crew. A stern glance from the captain was enough to silence them.

/Captain…The third bug fighter? It is fleeing…and attempting to enter Zero space.\\ The Captain hesitated.

/Disable its engines and prepare to board.\\ A tense silence filled the bridge. Board? Board a Yeerk ship? That would almost certainly mean a battle. Who would the captain choose to go?

/Did you not hear my order?\\ The Captain said in an amiable voice. Everyone scrambled to get back to work. When the Captain was being pleasant, that's when you had to worry. Again the ship's shredders fired and made a perfect shot. The Bug fighter was stopped dead.

There was audible sound when the ship had finally docked. Not from the ship-from the crew. It was almost a buzzing. The tension was so thick in the air one could almost taste it. Then the Captain finally said curtly; /Elfangor. Jazimil.\\ Both princes stood at attention.

/Yes sir?\\

/Follow me.\\

Taxxons squealed in terror, backpedaling as well as they could only to slip on the already spilt Hork-Bajir blood. I didn't watch as Jazimil and the captain finished them off. It was at times like these that I missed Loren the most. That I wished only for Earth and my beloved Humans. None of the sickening carnage of this horrid war. I watched in vauge disgust as Jazimil overturned a shipboard Yeerk Pool. I watched, numb, as Jazimil trampled the squirming Yeerks underhoof. The murky water was slowly seeping everywhere. I felt something small and somewhat solid brush my hoof. Looking down I saw possibly the smallest Yeerk I had ever seen floating gently beside my hoof. It would be so easy to move my hoof and crush it…

I knelt and scooped up the small Yeerk. It really was tiny…and that was saying something. I studied it closely. It didn't seem to have the dark green markings that larger Yeerks had…perhaps it was merely a child?

/Elfangor?\\ I looked up from the miniscule Yeerk.

/Yes sir?\\

/What are you doing?\\

/Nothing…this Yeerk is merely small…do you want me to kill it?\\ I expected an immediate affirmative. To my surprise the captain merely looked at the Yeerk in my hand thoughtfully.

/No.\\ He said finally. He smiled. It was a horrible, evil smile. /No…I have a very different idea.\\

Chapter one-Welcome to my life.

My name isTajron-Yaremka-Irjithmil. And in case you are a Human or a very unintelligent Yeerk, yes I am an Andalite. I am twenty one years of age. I am aware of the human tradition of celebrating on the day of birth every year. In the Andalite culture it is slightly different. Though the birth of the individual is celebrated each year, only the family was allowed to acknowledge it. An exception is made for every individual's twenty-first birthday. Everyone is allowed to acknowledge and participate in the event. The twenty first year is when the boy or girl becomes a man or woman in the eyes of the people.

So after my longwinded exposition on Andalite birthday traditions you may be asking "Why do I need to know this?" Well that is because, when I came of age my parents decided it would also be good for me to get engaged. Which is why I am starting off my tale with this;

/TAAAAAAAAAAAJJJJRRRROOONNNN!\\\ One of my mates, Zalren, a T.O. in training yelled.

/WHAT?\\ I yelled back. We were the only ones on duty. All but two of the Princes had left on some important mission.

/Your "mate's" on the channel for you.\\

/She is not my mate!\\ I heard derisive laughter. Nonetheless I flipped on the channel. And my betrothed face appeared on screen.

Did I mention how much I hate the girl I'm going to end up marrying? My parents could have chosen anyone and they chose…Sinara. I didn't hate her because she used to belittle me in school. I didn't hate her because she came from a better family than me. I hated her because she found fault in everything! Everything…except herself.

/TAJRON! There you are! I've been waiting for ages…These people are so incompetent… I'm thinking about filing a complaint…oh so how's my brave warrior doing today!\\

I sighed internally. And this would be the woman that would be bearing and raising my children. /Just fine Sinara…\\

Chapter two-Interlude 1

/How are things progressing?\\

/Very well sir.\\

/I should hope so with as many years as this project has taken. Do you think it will work on others?\\

/If this one is any indicator it should.\\

/Excellent. You've done very well. I'll report this right away.\\

/Yes sir. Thank you sir.\\

Chapter three-Victory in three strikes and a sucky Orteeraf Maneuver

FWAP! Zelman's tailblade struck lightning fast. I was faster. In three strikes I had him down. He rolled away and sprung up easily.

/You've gotten better.\\ It was as much praise as one ever got from Zelman. I gave a small smile to acknowledge his praise.

/Well I'm going to need it. I hear we're headed toward Yeerk territory.\\ Zelman looked down and scuffed his hoof in the dirt.

/Aren't you excited?\\ I asked incredulous. Zelman's main eyes stared straight into mine for a moment.

/A soldier who is excited by the prospect of battle is not only unprepared, he is also foolish.\\ I was taken aback. I had never seen this side of Zelman.

/Zelman…I'm sorry if I offen-\\

/Forget it.\\ He said brusquely. Then seeing my startled expression he smiled ruefully.

/Come on Tajron. Your Huld-Warra is better but your Orteeraf Maneuver still sucks.\\

/Oh really? Well you're on!\\

Chapter Four-Nightmares

_5 years later..._

I sat staring at the sunrise. Sinara was inside the scoop, still asleep thankfully. That was how I liked Sinara best. Unconscious. I had awakened an hour before from a particularly vivid nightmare. It had been a truly gruesome battle indeed….

_Taxxon entrails spilled everywhere. The smell was nauseating. My hooves slid out from under me and I fell into a pool of congealing blood… I couldn't tell what blood was mine and what belonged to the Hork-Bajir. They both looked the same in my hazed vision. My fellows on the ground around me…Zelman's yells for me to pay attention…_

/Daddy?\\ A small voice asked. I swiveled a stalk to see my little Ilaxea. My second born child, Ilaxea was a lot more like me than her highly strung brother. I believe he gets that from his mother…

/Yes Ilaxea?\\ She stepped timidly from the scoop.

/Are you okay daddy?\\

/Of course. Why?\\

/You sounded scared when you woke up earlier…\\

/You've been up all this time? Why didn't you say something?\\

/I…I don't want to go back to sleep.\\ My hearts swelled. If anything good had come out of my union with Sinara it was Ilaxea.

/You can go back to sleep honey. I'll be right here. I'll protect you.\\

/No more bad dreams?\\

I smiled and stroked her cheek affectionately. /No more bad dreams.\\

/Love you daddy.\\

/I love you too. Now go to sleep.\\

Chapter Five-Interlude 2

The Andalite scientist stood, his face illuminated by the light of his console. The better part of his life had been devoted to this project now, finally it was coming to fruition. Captain Valdar-Ilec-Eadeaion sauntered to his side. The scientist didn't even tense. The Captain had held this position at his side for too many times for it to bother him now.

The captain gazed at his work. /This has been the most amazing work I've ever seen. The electorate agrees. We have been authorized to test it in its next phase.\\

The scientist acknowledged this success with a slight nod, then turned his attention back to his work.

Chapter Six-Vengeance

The report that the Domeship _GalaxyTree_ had been shot down in orbit of Earth caused great unrest, even among those who didn't have friends or family on board. Like I had. Zelman had been on board, serving his function as tactical officer when the Yeerks had incinerated the Domeship. Nobody could have known that the Yeerks would be there in such force. But now that we knew, knew of the threat the Yeerks posed on this planet and what lengths to which they would go to defend it- we hesitated.

I had never felt such a hatred. A hatred for the cowardly fools who would not go after the Yeerks at their roots. A hatred for the filthy parasites themselves. I had never really questioned why I hated the Yeerks. They were evil, we were good. They were making slaves of the galaxy and it was our duty to stop them. I realized eight years too late that I had swallowed meaningless propaganda. I knew now why I hated the Yeerks. I hated them because they were a cancer. A disgusting growth that destroyed everything in its path and left it as filthy and useless as itself.

And I knew one thing-I was going to Earth. I _would_ avenge Zelman's death- whether the War Council liked it or not.

Chapter Seven-Interlude 3

BREET! BREET! BREET!

/What's going on?\\ Valdar demanded of the already stressed scientist.

/We're losing him!\\ The scientist was frantic trotting in circles around his equipment, checking and double checking it.

/WELL FIX IT!\\ The scientist, seeming to realize that there was nothing further he could do turned weary eyes to the fuming Captain.

/I can't.\\

/WHAT? PULL IT OUT OF YOUR ASS MAN! THIS IS WHAT I PAY YOU FOR!\\

/ Sir, with all due respect…I can't. The containment field is failing. There is nothing I can do to fix it… he's going to wake up.\\

/Yoalin.\\

/I couldn't have said it better myself sir.\\

/Shut up.\\

/Yes sir.\\

Chapter Eight-Blackout

All around me was the blank whiteness of Z-space. I was calibrating the controls to the exact coordinates of the planet. With the current configuration of Z-space it should only take me a few weeks to get to Earth. Now how to take them down? I was only one Andalite Fighter, and not a very well equipped one at that….A voice in the back of my head, which sounded naggingly like my wife for some reason, was saying; _You really should think these things through Tajron. You're just like an Aristh. Leaping into the fray before looking. So impulsive all the time! _

/Shut up.\\ I muttered.

The blackness rushed up to meet me. It was like nothing I had ever experienced. One moment I was on my fighter and the next I was in…a void. That seems like the best way to describe it. A void of color, depth, sight, sound, of…anything. As soon as I had calmed myself enough to a point where I could think clearly I attempted to reach out. Perhaps my ship had lost lights, and I was simply imagining the rest, though for some reason I doubted it. My fears were confirmed when I found myself unable to move.

_What is going on here? What's happened to me?_ Then a whole new terrifying thought occurred to me. _What if I've been captured? Is this some Yeerk trick? _No answers came to me. Only the endless void that stretched out before me. I wanted to scream, but of course there was no sound here. So I screamed to myself. I screamed and screamed and screamed.

And I woke screaming. I lay sprawled on the floor of my fighter breathing heavily. Had all that really been a dream? I stood shakily on my four hooves. Of course. Of course it had to be just a dream. It made sense. All the stress was beginning to get to me. I laughed out loud. Until I saw the time and date on my computer console. Two days had passed. There was no way I could have slept that long. All of a sudden I felt like screaming again.

Chapter Nine-Is this Hell?

The blackouts continued over the next few days becoming progressively longer each time. Life for me was marked in two periods; sterile fighter, white Z-space, boredom or blank colorless, soundless, paralyzed silence. I preferred the former. I always feared the point where the blackness would grab me and pull me down like a crushing wave. I would scream. I would cry. I would try to move. I would plead with whatever unknown deity was out there to spare me, to kill me, to turn me over to the Yeerks, whatever it took to get out of this torture. I'm not ashamed to admit it. I wanted my family. I wanted little Ilaxea, Addarik, and yes even Sinara. Anyone.

A week passed with progressively longer blackouts. Then two. I was becoming more and more afraid that I would arrive only to be killed while I was in a blackout. What an anti-climactic death…

In…black, soundless, soulless, screaming…

Out… Almost there…only a few days left….

In…black, pleading, wanting, paralyzed, hopeless…

Out…blackness of space…and a blade ship headed right for me.

In... cursing, blind, crying, let me out!

Out...Hork-Bajir! All around me! I slash the nearest one!

In…NO! I'm going to die….but there will be no more of this at least…

Out…Blood….lots of it…my blood this time…dripping…my vision is going….I can't breathe….

Chapter Ten-Interlude 4

/Sir the base is being attacked!\\

Valdar said a few words that have to be censored. /Get everyone out!\\ He barked at the unfortunate Aristh who had told him the news.

Valdar turned to the scientist behind him. /Get all essential files off of the computers. Then destroy them. Am I understood?\\

/Yes sir.\\

/And sir?\\

/What now?\\

/The…\\

/Leave it.\\

Chapter Eleven-This really must be hell.

I knew I was dead. I had to be. I had felt the pain of it. And yet…while I couldn't see, while the void was as thick and impenetrable to sound and color as always, I found myself able to move. Hey, maybe there were perks to being dead after all… I hoped I hadn't shamed my family too much. I hoped my son grew to be a great warrior. I hoped my wife would find a husband who actually loved, or at least cared for her. And most of all I wished for my daughter to be safe and happy. I just spent the entire time rejoicing in my newfound freedom of mobility, not realizing until much later that I had regained some sense of time, even in the void.

On the second day I began to feel strange, sort of like I had stayed in the sun too long, like I was exhausted, and like I needed to eat, all in one. If I was dead how was I feeling this? I was supposed to tired or hungry if I hadn't done anything? I was dead!

Wasn't I?

By day three it was unbearable. It felt like I had gone on a three day fast, and like someone had stuck me out in a desert and left me there. I squirmed both in the literal and figurative sense, and wished that I could had eyes so I could see what the hell was going on with what was supposed to be my cold, dead, rotting corpse.

As the hours ticked by I felt myself growing weak. But if I was dead…how could I die again? Unless this really was Hell and it was my eternal punishment to die over and over? I felt my body spasm. A physical jerk. Key word there. Body. Some sense of self was there. I knew somewhere, somehow against all the laws of the universe- that I was alive. And I wanted to live in the worst way.

They tell you your life will flash before your eyes before you die…and that's exactly what I was seeing right now. My life. Starting at my birth and coming up to my gruesome death at the hands of the foot soldiers of the Yeerk Empire.

Then… I was home. I felt like all my relatives should be surrounding me. Telling me it was okay. That I was safe. That there was no need to worry. Was I really dead? No…and this wasn't heaven…it was still black, and soundless, and noiseless. Heaven should be…more social than that…and brighter too. But if this wasn't heaven it was a pretty good imitation of it. There was even a tunnel with a light up ahead. There was some inner instinct within me that said; _Go towards the light._

'_Go towards the light? What are you a human?' __**'Shut up'.**_

I felt myself going up, and up and up. And into lights, and sounds and colors. Screams, and sobs. Crying people in cages. A murky pool. Hork-Bajir and Taxxons.

/Can you hear me?\\

I swallowed convulsively as I stared at the person in front of me.

"Yes."

/Do you know who I am?\\

"Yes Visser Three."

Chapter Twelve-Confusion

Visser three-the abomination. The only Andalite-Controller currently in existence. I stood stock still staring at him. Of course I had seen pictures. Every Andalite knew what he looked like, from the lowliest Aristh to the highest prince. It was drilled into our heads from the very first days of our training that to become an Abomination such as War-Prince Alloran had become would be the greatest shame an Andalite could bear. Still all the photos in the lexicon could not have prepared me for meeting Visser three in person.

There was just something about a hologram that couldn't convey the menacing atmosphere that surrounded him. Nor did the hologram convey the razor sharp focus of the Yeerk hiding behind Alloran's eyes. The aura of fear and despair in the complex around me was nearly palpable. In my the haze of my fear and hatred for the Yeerk Visser it took me a minute to realize someone was screaming. Rather loudly in fact. It was a rather loud, grating sound. I wished it would stop. I couldn't focus on what was being said.

/-is your designation? Why did the Andalites have you?\\ Was the Visser talking to me. The Visser glared and his tail arched impatiently. /Well?\\

"I'm sorry, could you repeat the question?"

/I said,\\ The Visser began dangerously. /Who are you? What is your designation? Why did the Andalites have you? I have no doubt why they left you to die. I want to know why they had you in the first place.\\

Left to die? No! Of course not. Yeerks spewing more lies. My people would never abandon me. Of course I had broken the law but that had been my choice. Andalites did not abandon their own. That was a Yeerk tactic. And why had they had me? Had the Yeerk finally lost its mind? I was a Warrior! I belonged to the Andalite military. My life belonged to the people. I would willingly sacrifice it to preserve their freedom.

"My _name_," I emphasized the word. "Is Tajron-Yaremka-Irjithmil. And I have no idea what you're talking about Visser."

Chapter Thirteen- Interlude 5

The Visser stared at the strange individual in the cage. The physical body he saw was Human, but inside the creature, within the young man's head was undoubtedly a Yeerk. A Yeerk who had somehow convinced himself he was an Andalite.

/Disgusting.\\ Esplin muttered to himself. He felt Alloran's unspoken agreement.

Turning from the Andalite/Yeerk the Visser left the room. The Visser always enjoyed traveling the corridor, his hooves, or Alloran's as his host always insisted, always made a pleasant clicking sound on the metal deck letting anyone within a mile radius know he was coming. His subordinates trembled, cowered, or best of all fled before him fearing the loss of their heads if he was in a foul mood.

Most unfortunately his destination was not far off, so he only got to see a few subordinates cower, and only one flee. Sighing, disappointed, the Visser entered the lab. The three lab technicians scurried to move out of his way as he entered. Stopping before a short, balding man with graying hair the Visser surveyed them all imperiously.

/You said you had something for me? Well get on with it!\\

The short grey haired man trembled slightly but nodded. "V-Visser. We managed to decode the majority of the data on the discs recovered from the Andalite base-"

/And?\\ Though he outwardly sounded impatient the Visser was excited. Andalite Science! The one thing Alloran had not been able to give him. If this was good enough he may be able to get a promotion!

The man hesitated. Hesitated a moment too long. A moment later he was minus a head. The technician standing next to him, a dark haired female probably in her teens, screamed as blood spattered onto her face. The other woman looked startled but not too surprised.

/She must be an older Yeerk.\\ Alloran muttered. /She's used to your antics Esplin.\\

/Shut up.\\ Out loud he said;

/_What_ was on the discs?\\ The other woman cleared her throat.

"Nothing good sir." Esplin's hearts sank. Yet another thing the council would blame him for.

/What?\\

"It…it was a project started by the Andalites ten years ago."

/Concerning?\\ Now the woman looked nervous.

"Yeerks, sir."

/How was this project designed to work? Is it a quantum virus? Some other biological weapon?\\

"No sir. From what I can tell, we've already seen the end result of the project." The Visser was beginning to get frustrated. Why couldn't she just speak plainly?

/Oh really? And what is that?\\

"The man in the other room. The one that is convinced he's an Andalite? That's the end result."

The Visser felt a growing sense of dread creep up on him. /So are you saying that that Yeerk…\\

"Yes sir. The project is designed to brainwash Yeerks. They can't kill us all. They can't make us surrender…"

/So they plan to make us just like them.\\ The Visser reeled internally.

/Those DAPSENS!\\ He yelled, enraged, in public thought-speak as he stormed from the room.

Chapter Fourteen-Caged

The nagging keening continued throughout the entire day. I saw Visser three sporadically. He hadn't spoken to me since that first time at the complex. He had ordered Hork-Bajir to drag me to this holding cell, instead of pushing my head immediately under the Yeerk Pool as I had expected. So here I was, alternately pacing or sitting on the floor of the small cell they'd placed me in. I was sure that at least had been intentional. The Yeerks knew how Andalites got in small spaces. Perhaps they wanted information…but they should know it would take a lot more than that to crack a trained Andalite warrior. I briefly wondered how many Andalites before me had been shoved in this cell… I shoved this particularly morbid thought away. No need to dwell on unpleasant things.

The keening screams, the wailing and sobbing never quit. I wished it would just stop. Just for a moment so I could think. I couldn't tell where it was coming from. It didn't seem to be audible.

/Ugh. Just stop that!\\ I muttered at the voice. It had only thought it to myself so I was not expecting a reply, let alone an angry retort.

/And why should I?\\ A man's angry voice retorted. / You people have taken everything from me! Everything! My wife my children, my friends, my life! The least I can do is be a minor annoyance!\\

/What are you-\\ I began, thoroughly confused, when I heard the distant clip-clop of hooves that could only mean one thing.

Visser Three.

_Yeerks being trained to do Andalite bidding? If this is viable it could be disastrous. _The Visser thought. He had to find a way to see if this Andalite project had been successful. And there had only been the one test subject found still living…

The Visser strode into the Yeerk/Andalite's cell with his customary swagger. Best not to let him know quite yet. The Andalite looked up making eye contact with Visser Three, while before he had apparently been fascinated with the floor. The Human's blue eyes were cold as the Yeerk/Andalite surveyed him.

"Visser Three." He finally said, sneering. "Such an honor. Should I be bowing or groveling and begging for my life? If you don't mind I'll just stand. I'm not much for Yeerk etiquette."

/Hmm.\\

"Is that an affirmative?" The Visser ignored the last slight and continued on.

/Your name is Tajron-Yaremka-Irjithmil correct?\\

"Not that that does you much good." The Andalite's, Tajron, eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Why am I still free?"

/Free?\\ The Visser laughed. Tajron stepped as far back as the cell walls would allow. Visser three angry is scary. Visser three amused…is true horror. /You mean you honestly haven't figured it out yet?\\ _And they call themselves the geniuses of the universe. They can't even do this one project right! A real Andalite would have reached the conclusion ages ago…_

Tajron's eyes were as cold as ice. "Don't toy with me Yeerk! You must have a reason! Now tell me why!"

/Do you not realize that the body you are in is Human? Even though in all likelihood you have never even met a Human, let alone acquired one? Do you not realize that when you were abandoned in a Lab and left to die it was my troops, not your precious Andalite soldiers who saved you? Do you not realize that the screams you have no doubt have been hearing are coming from inside your own head?\\

"Inside my own…" Tajron's voice trailed away as he stared dumbfounded at his body, as though seeing it clearly for the first time. "How…?"

The Visser's eyes blazed. /Because you are no Andalite Tajron-Yaremka-Irjithmil. You are one of us. Listen carefully fool, for I will only say it once. You. Are. A. Yeerk.\\

Chapter Fifteen-Denial

"NOOOOOOOOO!" I don't know how many times I screamed it. I felt like someone had hit me in the abdomen with some large and extremely solid implement. I was reeling internally. There was no way. I couldn't…I couldn't be a Yeerk! I just couldn't be. How could I have lived my entire life, have these memories? How could I have survived without access to Kandrona Rays? It made absolutely no sense! I had a family! I had friends, I was a warrior. No. This had to be a Yeerk trick.

/I told you I would not repeat myself. And arguing with a fool is rather pointless so I will leave you to your useless histrionics.\\ And with that the Visser turned and he, and all his guards, left the room. Leaving me alone to sort out my own jumbled, chaotic, vaguely panicked thoughts.

Once I had calmed myself a little I tried to look at the dilemma logically. What reason would the Visser have to lie? Of course he was a Yeerk, so every word he spoke was probably a lie. But honestly I could think of nothing the Visser would gain by trying to trick me. Unless it was for his own amusement. But again I didn't see much amusing here, and from the look on the Visser's face as he'd left-neither did he. Which could only mean he was serious.

But if I was a Yeerk…shouldn't I have memories of infesting people? Of fighting, I hesitated to think the word, _Andalites_? We were sworn enemies. There was no way I could be both. I had to either be an Andalite or a Yeerk. Of course my being a Yeerk would shed some light on recent events…

Pro-Andalite Theory

I have memories of being an Andalite.

I have a family. Yeerks don't.

I hate Yeerks.

I was killed by those freaking Yeerks….

Pro-Yeerk Theory

Explains the blackouts.

Explains this annoying voice.

Explains what happened yesterday. I seriously felt like I was dying….again.

Explains why I couldn't see or hear during my blackouts.

If this was another blackout I would be blind and deaf, therefore this is real…most likely.

Taking inventory of my mental list I was dismayed that the theory was weighted more heavily towards the Yeerk end of the equation. But that left other questions swimming around in my mind. So if I was a Yeerk, how exactly did I remember being an Andalite? I was fairly sure that I had never infested anyone. Though the nagging voice in the back of my head begged to differ. So if those were not _my_ memories then whose were they? And why would someone go to all the trouble to put them in my head? And another, possibly even more important-_who_ had gone to all the trouble to put the memories in my head? A Yeerk, or the far, far worse alternative- an Andalite?

Chapter Sixteen-Interlude 6

/Is this software viable?\\ He demanded. /Is it even remotely possible that this could be deployed on a larger scale?\\

The Visser was pacing back and forth in front of the nervous lab technicians. The Yeerk in the holding cell had made him see fully how dangerous this program could be if it were to be implemented wide scale. If he had to fear one of his officers, if he had to watch everywhere he stepped, if not even secure bases would remain secure, if capture was the thing to be feared, not being killed…

/Oh the irony.\\ Alloran said smugly from a corner of his mind.

/Shut up Alloran.\\ Esplin snarled. /I am really not in the mood. I will not tolerate insolence from you.\\ But of course Alloran never heeded his warnings, not when there was a perfectly good opportunity to needle the Visser presented to him.

/Now you know how it feels for the rest of us. Do you know now why death is preferable? Would _you_ want to be a puppet on some Andalite's string?\\ Alloran smirked at the mental image and Esplin had to repress a shudder. But of course Alloran wasn't done yet.

/The person who thought of this was brilliant.\\ Alloran praised. /Ingenious. I'm sure he had different plans, probably for spies, or weapons but it works out all the same.\\

/I do recall telling you to shut up, but since you never listen anyway, go on do tell.\\

/Well think about it Esplin. What is every Andalite trained from an early age to hate? Yeerks. What would be worse for a supposed "Andalite" to realize one day that he's not what he's thought he was? That in fact not only is he not an Andalite, he is what he fears and despises most; a Yeerk. What would he do? How would he go on?\\ He saw the logic of it. He silently cursed the Andalites who had made this horrible program into oblivion, wishing each and every one a painful death.

/We won't have to kill you.\\ Alloran said, smug once more. /We won't have to lift a finger. You'll destroy yourselves.\\

The Visser glared at the technicians, twitching his tail slightly, just itching for something to take his frustration out on.

"No sir I don't believe this program could be set up for more than a dozen individuals at a time at its maximum output. With our population as large as it is, it is unlikely that the Andalites would attempt to deploy this large scale. And from what I can tell it will only work on certain individuals."

/Such as?\\

"Well the Andalite's research indicates a trend that is really quite fascinating…"

/Spare me the lecture and get to the point! Is it viable?\\

"Yes sir…but only on the very young."

/Why?\\

"The research indicates that all the Yeerks used in the experiments were merely grubs or had just grown past that stage. The Andalite scientists theorized it was easy to overwrite and override the higher level brain functions of the Yeerks taken because so little had been developed beforehand. These Yeerks had very little life experience. Whereas Yeerks of a much older age who were taken and tested did not respond well to the program and eventually realized what was going on."

/So the Yeerk in the holding cell?\\

"Was probably only a grub when he was taken and experimented on. He has no memory of ever being a Yeerk. The urge to infest the host came naturally, so he did it without thinking. He was also near death so he probably doesn't remember a whole lot of what happened. He's lived for three cycles thinking he was an _Andalite_." She shuddered.

"How horrible." The other technician muttered sympathetically.

/Yes indeed.\\ The Visser muttered sardonically. /How horrible.\\

Chapter Seventeen-Crossroads

I wanted to die. What if…what if I really was a Yeerk? The growing weakness in my body was yet another evidence in favor of that theory. But if I was a Yeerk what did that mean for me? To whom did I belong? I knew without really having to think about it that I could never go back to my people. _No, not my people. _I forced myself to think. The _Andalites._ Even thinking that way felt wrong. It felt like a betrayal of everything I'd ever stood for. But if I really was a Yeerk what was the point? I could be loyal to my people, _Andalites, _the rest of my life however long that was. And they would still kill me, simply for being, I forced out the thought, _a Yeerk. _

Still it was also clear to me that I did not belong to the Empire either. Though I had been being snide with the Visser at the time it had been partially true. Though I knew basic the anatomy and the best ways to kill Yeerks, I had no idea what being one actually meant. And if I were to side with the Empire, I shuddered at the thought, how could I ever kill an Andalite? Even if I did turn out to be a Yeerk physically, my hearts and mind would always be Andalite. I could never turn my back on that.

So where did that leave me? Homeless, family less, and friendless. Had that even been real? My memories of them, of my home, of my life before were so vivid. They had to be real, they just had to be! There was no way I could have imagined twenty nine years of my life! And there was no way I could have imagined her. My daughter Ilaxea. I loved her! Yeerks didn't love! Something of my life before had to have been real didn't it?

/Ilaxea.\\ I moaned. I felt like I was drowning in the misery that was flooding my hearts. If she, my beloved, had been only a fleeting dream, what else was there to live for? I had to know one way or the other.

I stood on stiff legs and walked to the door of my cell. I felt numb. The steel hurt my hands as I hit it over and over again. I didn't care. A Hork-Bajir face filled the slot in the door.

"What Hruthin want?" The Hork-Bajir asked, sounding almost bored.

I got right up next to the slot. So close I could hear the heavy breathing of the Hork-Bajir, and smell its stinking breath.

"I need to see the Visser." I snarled. "Now."

The third time reading through the logs of the Andalite scientists Visser three was ready to either applaud or curse the Andalites' cunning. His scientists had been correct. It was truly fascinating. Though it was as equally horrifying as well. The Andalites had combined just enough truth with their lies to make it utterly convincing.

/Too bad you're too old for this sort of thing Esplin.\\ Alloran said, still gleeful. The barbaric Andalite… /You could have been prancing around thinking you were Esprien-Ranor-Mabonaqain!\\ Alloran laughed.

/Alloran you are just begging for torture now.\\ He warned.

/Oh go on. This is completely worth reliving a few humiliating experiences for.\\ Esplin fumed. Damn those Andalites!

/Go on Esprien-Ranor-Mabonaqain.\\ Alloran taunted. /Do your worst.\\

/Why you…\\

He was interrupted by a knock on the door of his quarters. He deliberated for a moment whether to answer, but decided he'd rather deal with some idiot subordinate than Alloran right now.

/Come in.\\ A Hork-Bajir entered followed by…

The Andalite. Tajron.

"I need to speak with you." His voice was flat, dead. Then he glanced pointedly at the Hork-Bajir. "Alone."

He looked the Andalite over. He didn't appear all that dangerous. The body that he was currently in was as Human as any of his other subordinates'. What harm could it do? The Andalite posed no threat. And if he tried something he would die.

/Leave us.\\ The Visser ordered.

Chapter Eighteen- Answers

/Why have you come here?\\ I tried very hard not to show how much fear the Visser's presence caused me.

"I want answers." To my very great relief my voice came out firm and commanding not cracked and terrified as I had feared it might.

/And what makes you think I have any answers to give you?\\ The Visser said, as though this were just a conversation between colleges not a standoff between mortal enemies.

"Oh don't be coy now Visser, it doesn't suit you. You know exactly what I mean. You were the one who told me I was a Yeerk when even _I_ wasn't aware of that fact. You must know something about this!"

The Visser's main eyes surveyed me with interest. I couldn't help but feel like a helpless insect beneath the Visser's stare. Something new and interesting for him to poke and prod, test its reactions. Something that he would lose interest in over time and squash.

/Let's say I do give you your answers. What then? You will be no happier.\\ So he did know!

"I have to know."

/The Humans have a saying…'Ignorance is bliss.' Once you know there will be no going back.\\

"Perhaps. But I believe Humans also have another saying… 'You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free?' I have to know. I cannot move forward otherwise." I stared intently at the Visser wishing for my eyes to be able to convey what my words could never fully communicate.

Slowly, the Visser turned so his back was to me. He kept one stalk eye always scanning the room, while the other was focused intently on me. When he turned to face me again the Visser held a disc no larger than a Human coin. I had handled many discs just like that one in my lifetime. I knew exactly what the Visser held in the palm of his hand. It was an Andalite data storage disc.

/All the information you want is on this disc. And there are others if you'd like to see them though after you read this I highly doubt you will.\\ The Visser placed the disc in my palm and gestured at his computer console.

/Go on Tajron. Read.\\ Slowly I inserted the disc into the console's port. I felt a creeping sense of dread steal over me. And it wasn't just because the Visser was standing out of my line of sight.

It took mere seconds for the disc to process and then the data flashed on screen.

PROJECT ASSECLA

Subject 0015

Species: Yeerk ….

And as I began to read my world shattered into a million irreparable pieces.

Chapter Nineteen-No Matter What

_Captain's Log- Andalite Year 568322.21_

_ Things seem to be progressing quite nicely. If all goes as planned the people need never know what measures were taken to win this war. To stoop this low! To use our enemy-it makes me shudder even now as I think of it, but all the tests we've run on the secondary test group have been successful thus far. _

_ This project has been twelve years in the making and now we are so close I can nearly see it. To think of it! Yeerks turning against their own! Granted, we have them convinced they're Andalite Warriors. Not my first choice of ruse but it was necessary for the project to be successful. As it has been explained to me we cannot erase the mind completely, nothing can take away sentience, but we can convince these Yeerks that they are another sentient creature. Namely an Andalite. And what would any honorable Andalite do in service of his or her people? I never thought I'd see the day when a Yeerk would lay down its life for an Andalite. Ah the irony…._

By the time I had gotten to the Captain's Log's my hands were shaking. My Human hands had gone numb from all the times I had hit things. My knuckles were white with rage. I wanted to hurt something. Badly. I had never felt such a rage in my life. Not when my parents had forced me into an engagement I didn't want to a woman I didn't love, not when I received word of Zelman's death and the War Council's refusal to retaliate, not even when the Yeerks had pulled me from God knows where and insisted I was a Yeerk. I wanted to kill this Andalite. This, _Captain _Valdar-Ilec-Eadeaion. I had thought I could never, ever want to kill anyone as badly as I had wanted to kill Visser three. I was wrong.

This Captain, Valdar, had kidnapped me almost from the time of my birth. _Spawned._ I corrected myself. _Yeerks don't just pop them out… _I really was…I was a Yeerk. It was hard to wrap my head around, even now. Visser Three and his subordinates were still trying to find out which pool I was from and if I had been given a designation before my capture. Seeing how young I had been taken they thought it was highly unlikely. I wasn't even halfway through all the data complied on the disc, and that was only the disc on _me_. There had to be at least a dozen of them, if not more. My hands shook more violently. I decided it was probably time to leave the room before I smashed something the Visser would miss.

My entire existence had been a lie. A lie fabricated by a sadistic Andalite Captain and an Andalite scientist with nothing better to do. Sinara, Ilaxea, Zelman, they all existed somewhere on the Andalite homeworld. But none of them would know me, nor probably would I know them. They wouldn't be the same people I'd known. Those had been the creation of a scientist.

All except Ilaxea, I'd learned. Ilaxea had actually been an insertion on the part of the aforementioned Captain Valdar. He wanted to see how the altered Yeerks, my Human stomach felt nauseated, reacted to a real Andalite. Ilaxea had been based off of real memories and mannerisms of the Captain's daughter. Though it probably shouldn't have made me happy, this one small fact made my day slightly more bearable. Ilaxea _was_ real, even if she wasn't really my daughter.

I knew three things for sure. As I strode down the corridor I made myself a solemn vow. _On my honor as a-_I hesitated. _On my honor as a __**Yeerk**__, I vow that I will kill Captain Valdar-Ilec-Eadeaion._ _ I will free the others that he has done this to. And I will get Ilaxea back. __No matter what the cost. _

The Visser was still looking through the census when he heard the footsteps. The census was very long and quite tedious. The older records had not been as well maintained, making the task at hand extremely difficult. He welcomed the distraction. Turning away from the computer he saw Tajron coming towards him looking solemn.

/Ah tired of your answers already?\\ He mocked. Tajron said nothing, but averted his eyes.

/I told you didn't I? You didn't want to know. Are you any happier because of it?\\

"Actually yes." Tajron was finally looking at him and there was a strange gleam in his eyes.

/Really?\\

"Yes. I've found out why I was never truly happy with my Andalite family or friends. It's because…they weren't my family or friends were they?" Tajron's voice took on a strange eager edge.

/Tajron-\\

"Sir, please with all due respect don't call me that. I know now. This is where I belong. These people are my family!"

/What are you talking about? Have you lost your mind?\\

Tajron had gotten on his knees. He wore a pleading expression as he started up at the Visser. "I, Tajor 697, submit myself to your mercy and to the mercy of the Yeerk Empire."

Chapter Twenty- Appeal

Visser Three continued to stare blankly at his walks, contemplating. This new turn of events was…unexpected to say the least. Though in hindsight he should have expected something like this to occur at some point. He suspected he knew the motivations behind it, at least partially. Still it was a bold, if not somewhat stupid move on the part of the Andalite. No…Yeerk.

He had to admit it, he was a Yeerk. Physically at least-if not mentally a Yeerk. _Not quite yet. But that can be remedied with time and the right company. _Still there was the more pressing matter of what had been proposed. This…Yeerk…had no idea what he was bringing down upon his own head.

But any loyal member of the Empire was entitled to certain rights and privileges. As a Visser, should any of his subordinates wish to present something to the council, or commit a serious infraction, it would be he who would be serving as intermediary. Still this was a very unique case… to his knowledge there had never been anything quite like this happen within the Empire before.

That left him with very little choice. Though he was still unsure if he could trust Tajron, or as he'd dubbed himself 'Tajor 697', it appeared he had no other option.

His computer beeped. He read the message displayed on his computer console, snorted in disgust, and shut off the veiwscreen. It appeared the Andalite Bandits were making life difficult, as usual.

/Computer, send out a request for an audience with the Council. And set in a course for Earth.\\

The Visser rubbed at a stiff muscle at the base of his neck. _It appears my work is never done. _He sighed. _And it also appears that I have a lot of explaining to do…_

"Out of the question!" One councilor objected. "This _Tajor_ has been trained by Andalites all his life! He is not trustworthy and therefore a risk! A risk that must be eliminated before it further contaminates the Yeerk Empire!"

The Emperor half agreed. Of course no Andalite could ever be trusted. And the contamination that this one Yeerk alone could bring… but still. The Visser had made his findings and opinions of the matter clear. Knowing the Andalite mind as he did the Visser was fairly certain that this…Tajor, had his own motivations for wanting to serve the Empire. Still, the Visser was convinced that despite these ulterior motivations that Tajor would remain loyal until his own ends were accomplished. And even when they were accomplished he was still fairly sure that Tajor would remain loyal to the Empire. After all where else did he have to turn to? No sane Andalite would think twice about killing him. _Yes _The Emperor decided. _It is best we keep Tajor 697 where he can be kept under a close watch…._

"No. Tajor 697 will be stationed underneath Visser three where he can be watched closely."

"And if he proves treacherous-as I believe he will be?"

"Then we kill him. For now he is a welcome addition to our ranks. The more we know about the Andalites the better. This decision is final." There was a general murmur of discontent among the other councilors. He hadn't expected this decision to be popular but no one disputed his verdict. Sometimes there were definite perks to being the Emperor. He switched the veiwscreen on.

Visser three was impossible to ignore, as always. The Andalite oddity that was his host stood out in any crowd. The Human standing beside him looked bland in comparison.

"Tajor 697, I presume?"

"Yes Councilor." Tajor's blue eyes were solemn. "May I ask-What is your verdict?"

The Emperor smiled, a fearsome expression on a Hork-Bajir especially if you've never seen it before.

"Welcome to the Empire Tajor."


End file.
